I'm a smart woman. I'm not afraid to say it, I'm not afraid to own it. I know quite a bit about a few different subjects and I'm well educated. I'm very fortunate in that. I live in a country where that is acceptable and encouraged. I'm not ashamed of it, and it's not a bad thing, but it bites me in the butt a lot.
When we accept Jesus as our Savior, there is a surrender that happens. We tell Him that He is our Lord, He is in control, and we know that His plans are the best for us. My father was an alcohol and drug counselor for a time and had sparkly stickers in his office that said, "Let Go and let God." For type-A, organized planners like me, that is much easier said than done. Of course, being a smart woman, and looking back at situations that have turned our well in my life, and can see that happened because I did exactly what those sparkly stickers said.
Case in point: When I was 26 I swore off men. I decided that since my "picker" was obviously malfunctioning that I was quitting. About couple weeks before I turned 27, the Holy Spirit spoke to me while I was complaining about the frequency of the match.com commercials being shown, telling me that my husband would be there. 3 weeks after that birthday, I got a message from Corey, and the rest, as they say (whoever they are), is history.
That's a pretty intense show of how trusting Him is the way to go, right? You'd think it would make trusting Him in other situations easy. Maybe for some people, but not me. I'm stubborn and my brain takes over. I forget about how God saved us from buying a house that would've tied us to Yakima when Corey got promoted and we felt His call to stay. I forget that He put our amazing friends here in Puyallup with a house that had extra room and gave them extra large hearts to take us in for months and months. I forget that He has brought both Corey and I through bouts of depression and PTSD in our lives. For as smart as I am, I sure do a lot of forgetting.
The verse that is often quoted about God's plans is Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." That's great! I mean, it's God's Word, so it's good. What strikes me in times when I'm questioning His plan and how His timeframe is not what I'd like it to be comes from the book of 2 Kings, from verse 5, "I have heard your prayer; I have seen your tears. Behold, I will heal you." Maybe I like
This journey of infertility that we are on is hard, but so is the rest of life. I was telling Corey today as he reassured me that this is just a season we are going through, that I'm ready for a lighter season. We are waiting for a lot of things right now, listening for a lot of answers, looking for direction.
In light of all of that, here's my new prayer, "Heavenly Father, I'm impatient, but you know that. I lose hope, I don't trust You like I should. Help me to hold tight to your promises. Help us to find joy in this season, while we wait and listen. Help us to see You in everything we do. Thank you for the gift of our marriage, for our lives and for never giving up on us. Help us to see every blessing you give us for the miracle it is. In Jesus' name, Amen."
A 30-something living life in the PNW. Wife, Jesus-follower, Business Owner, Hockey Lover, Craft & Glitter Obsessed.